WARNING: The following contains spoilers for This Is Us Season 6, Episode 9, “The Hill,” which aired Tuesday, March 22 on NBC.
The Season 5 finale of This Is Us revealed that Kate was going to marry her boss Phillip — which meant that her marriage to Toby would have to come to an end. Kate and Toby have been together since the beginning of the series and things haven’t always been easy, but it seemed for a long time like they were the perfect couple and their breakup would be totally implausible. However, Season 6, Episode 9, “The Hill,” finally highlighted exactly why their relationship was doomed.
Toby and Kate met at a weight loss support group when neither of them were living their best lives, with Kevin causing problems in Kate’s relationships. However, they were able to develop a strong bond that allowed both of them to thrive. They supported each other and loved each other through all of the trials life threw their way. Their relationship strain in Season 6 is a result of Toby taking a job in San Francisco while Kate and their children continue to live in Los Angeles. That distance has led to serious problems — not only when it comes to intimacy, but also in how they want to raise and support their children.
The distance also serves to put a spotlight on how far Kate and Toby have come since their relationship started. Kate is happy and confident not only in herself (having recently broken a cycle of behavior), but in her career. When she was younger, she had no vision for her life and her future felt detached from her identity; she didn’t know herself well enough to know what she wanted. In Season 6 she loves being a mother and she loves being a music teacher, while she’s thriving in both roles.
Toby, on the other hand, has found a job where he feels valued and that, along with his weight loss success, has finally given him control of his life. That allows him to drop his previous coping mechanisms. The version of Toby that Kate met at the start of This Is Us was deeply depressed and highly insecure; a lot of his joking personality served as protection and a crutch to allow him to get through the day. It’s quite emotional in “The Hill” when he describes to Kate how serious his mental health issues have been, and to see the relief he feels now that he doesn’t have to battle them every day. The problem is that he only feels that way in San Francisco, and Kate is comfortable in L.A.
Kate and Toby’s relationship helped them both find themselves and gave them the support and environment needed to grow into the very best versions of themselves, but they ended up growing in different directions. This Is Us makes clear that their split is for the best. Their relationship served them both so well, and while it’s very sad to see that end, they have both outgrown their relationship and are ready to move on. Toby needs and wants to stay in San Francisco, while Kate has applied for a full time position at her school in L.A.
Just because Kate and Toby’s marriage is ending doesn’t mean they don’t love each other, and it doesn’t mean that their relationship wasn’t good. It simply means that it has run its course. Toby and Kate will always be in each other’s lives as they co-parent their children; parenting, and motherhood in particular, is important on This Is Us and viewers have seen Toby in the show’s flash-forwards before. Both characters have been through so much in the series that a breakup seems so tragic, but really, it’s the next step in continuing to get the most out of their lives.
To see exactly what happens to Kate and Toby’s marriage, tune into the final season of This Is Us which airs Tuesdays on NBC.
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